Editorial

Spring flings

Spring brings with it certain passionate desires that just are not associated with other seasons. After all, when the girls are decked out in their skimpiest clothes and boys walk around topless after months of being hidden under heavy sweaters, how can sexual desires not be aroused? Even the ducks are getting some action, hobbling around campus in groups of two—or sometimes three—but that is another issue altogether. In this season of hot passion, how can anyone condemn a professor for engaging in a relationship with a student or two?

Professor-student relationships are perfectly logical matches when you think about it. It is a win-win situation for everyone involved. No professor, or even adjunct, can be blamed for being sexually attracted to college students, who are, after all, in the primes of their lives. Not even Great Adventure boasts a ride more exciting than an 18-year-old. Besides, professors are highly intelligent people who demand some sort of stimulation, and at a place like Rider, it is probably not going to be intellectual.

The student also has much to gain from the affair. First, most professors make a decent amount of money, and could treat the student to some nice meals and buy a large quantity of good alcohol. (But only if he or she is over 21; The News does not want to advocate anything illegal in this article.) Spring is also the season when student grades are distributed. As a “special friend” of the professor, a student can be guaranteed a good grade. And lastly, when it comes right down to it, which sounds better: “I’m having a ‘conference’ with Dr. Shmavorkian tonight” or “Johnny’s taking me out for pizza”?

Opponents claim that this type of relationship damages the integrity of everyone involved: the professors, the students and even the University. These are flagrant lies; it is simply not the case. The student would gain valuable experience, an initiation into the adult world for which the University claims it is preparing the student body. A student-professor affair is truly an adult, mature relationship—and the University would be committing a perverse act if it refused to acknowledge to its students that such relationships are devoid of sex.

In fact, The News asks that the University actively encourage such affairs. Some students could feel slighted if their professors refused sexual relations with them. By opening the playing field, so to speak, the University would be creating a situation giving all students an equal opportunity for better grades. Also, by eliminating such a powerful stressor, the University would save students undue emotional harm. Rider students would collectively save thousands, nay, millions, of dollars.

Currently, professors face the risk of losing their jobs if they engage in this type of affair. This is completely unacceptable. If the President of the United States of America can partake in extramarital fellatio, lie about it and not be removed from office, then no professor should ever have to face termination. The faculty at a university should not be held to any standard that denies such a large aspect of our lives. The professors have put many hours into dissertations, study hours and assistanceships. The milk and honey from the Promised Land of succulent—but legal—teens should be theirs to cherish. After all, what red-blooded, non-celibate, not-quite-dead professor would not jump at the chance to be romantic with a college student reaching the peak of his or her sexual prowess?