Nu Name for the New Building
Alum makes big bid

By Sho’no Mercyeri

Students have been surviving the year without an actual name to call the new addition to residence life, but on April 19, that will change.

Rider alumnus Joseph Nu, ‘76, has stepped up to help Rider with the financial end of its present construction process. Although President Mor-D Cash’s new album, Canuck Yo’self, has brought in big bucks for the University, Nu has donated approximately 200.5 million Yuan (the equivalent of 25 million junior bacon cheeseburgers... or one really cool ninja) to the Rider community over the course of one year, and in honor of his generous donation, a vote was held to finally give a name to the new residence hall.

“It just feels very rewarding to give back to the University that screwed me up financially,” said Nu. “I’ve worked my way up since then and I just wish the money went to something the students would really enjoy, like a White Castle.”

Nu is one of six alumni who have actually donated any amount of money to Rider. It was decided on Saturday, March 25, that the building would be named after him for his attempt to help Mor-D Cash regain the money he used to release his album. The majority of the money given was spent renovating Mor-D Cash’s office and for the installment of a Jacuzzi in the Faculty Food Stuff Lounge.

“It’s a nice gift, and I like presents,” said Mor-D Cash. “Nu is a top example of a Rider alumnus who has used his education to not screw up in his career path, and to be generous enough to give back so students can also succeed.”

The New Building was a part of Phase LXIX in Rider’s construction process (LXVIII was lipo-suction for Kirstie Alley), opening up new lounges that nobody uses, and driving roman-numeral-challenged students crazy. Since the cutting of the ribbon last semester, the building has not yet been given a real name.

“It’s a good thing that this place is finally getting something,” whined junior Henrietta Ganushenheimer after taking his laundry out of his in-room machine, snuggling up with his provided carpet and resting on his standard-issue luxury sofa. “I was getting tired of calling it the ‘New Building’ every time I got Chinese food delivered to my dorm.”

Many students are ecstatic about the naming of their hall, but some seem neutral on the subject.

“I really don’t think it matters what the building is called as long as we have a place to crash when we’re hung over,” said freshman Rochelle Leningrad.

Although feelings toward the name have upset many stomachs, faculty and alumni are excited to relieve themselves and finally get the damn thing named.

The director of the Place Where You Live, Jamar Moses, ran from The Sanda News reporter when asked for his thoughts on the naming, but at the last minute he turned, broke into tears and screamed how it “should have been named after Michael Jackson.” Jackson was unable to be reached for comment.

Always wanting to give back to the “family” that ruined four years of his life, Nu said he would continue donating to the school even after this honor.

“I just want the students to have more fun than I did,” he said.

The new additions to the Rider community add up to roughly 642 million English pounds.

Thirty-two million Yen will go toward turning the third floor lounge of the Nu Building into a strip club to help relieve stress for students during exams. The new strip club will include a stage so Mor-D Cash and “his posse” have an area for weekly performances.

“It’s a plus to our community,” said Mor-D Cash. “Nu is mad cool.”

The ribbon cutting ceremony for the “Nu Building” will be held on Wednesday, April 19 at 5 p.m.

“I hope the campus is able to attend the ceremony,” said Nu. “I just wish my money didn’t go toward some stupid building.”